It’ll Buff

Parenthood (as I have grown to understand it at least) provides the opportunity to relive some hauntingly familiar life experiences through the lives of your offspring. The main difference is that when you are experiencing them the second time around, you have the additional perspective of what really happens next at least based upon your own personal experience. With this Cassandra-like knowledge comes an equally challenging curse: how does one who has been there before not superimpose their own experience over top of the one just now unfolding while at the same time still managing to add some potentially helpful perspective or at the very least offering some advice that the benefit of having gone through it yourself may just help your offspring during their own similar journey?

There are plenty of common life experiences that could potentially resonate with just about anyone you decided to take the time to ask whether they are your offspring or not. These experiences might include everything that happens to us on its own unique timing like falling in love for the first time to some of the more regimented milestones that come with arriving to a specific age such as driving a car or voting for example. One of the more celebrated and anticipated end of a process ones is graduating high school. Our society is structured to promote that sense of familiar progression at least to the point of adulthood which it happens to nicely coincide. Perhaps our biological evolution as we mature necessitates this very structure and timing to align. We may simply need some common familiar paths to follow so that it all hangs together long enough until we can mature just enough to handle the more open ended part of life’s journey.

In America at least, high school graduation is one of those regimented milestones that a fairly significant amount of weight gets placed upon as it marks the close of our state sponsored educational system and shifts the responsibility of figuring out what happens next completely upon the shoulders of a large group of roughly 18 year old citizens. It’s been exactly 30 years since it was my turn to experience this milestone for myself but a ghostly echo resonated across time as my 18 year-old son experienced his own high school graduation today.

It was not lost on me that 30 years of living had transpired since it was my turn to wear a very similar cap and gown to the one he was now donning for the same ceremonial occasion. I couldn’t help but wonder if this might have been what my father might have been feeling when he occupied my current chair. How does one balance the urge to overwhelm the graduate with those 30 years of accumulated knowledge at a time when perhaps you can still fool yourself into believing that it really wasn’t all that long ago that you stood at the same juncture in life’s journey with those 30 years all in front of you rather than behind you? You are so sure you can help him not make some of the same mistakes that you have made in those 30 subsequent years while reconciling this thought with the reality that no matter how hauntingly familiar the echo of today may seem, his version of the same milestone events in his 30 years will play out in his own time and in his own way.

In reality, I already had all the proof I needed that despite graduating high school becoming a common relatable experience between the two of us, each one was truly unique. I have a book (available for purchase on Amazon :)) where I wrote about among many things not having the opportunity to speak at my own high school graduation. I went as far to write and share the speech I would have liked to have given but even this effort was somewhat disingenuous as it had several years of living post the 18 year old version of myself to shape my writing of it. I could never accurately capture exactly what “18 year old me” might have written even if I had a pretty good idea.

My son, on the other hand, did get the honor and opportunity to speak at his high school graduation which not only eliminated two of the problems my later even if similar speech writing efforts presented but more importantly offered an immediate uniqueness to our common experience that I can take comfort in. Despite my desire to superimpose what I know is coming next at least based upon my vantage point, the common experience of high school graduation has a key difference for us to focus on since he did get to speak while I did not. This isn’t to say that he still cannot benefit from my perspective as he encounters similar obstacles that may be familiar to me; however, this difference is sufficient proof to me that the journey is not yet written despite what my Cassandra curse may have been telling me.

As I sat in the stadium focused on my son delivering his message from behind the podium, I couldn’t help myself from noticing a few echoes of similar themes from the speech I would have given in the one he was giving. He wrote his without reading mine yet there were some slivers of commonality to his that would make you question if he had. Could this be attributed to these common regimented milestones that are similar enough to shape our thinking in similar ways? Was it more likely that my experiences have crept into his psyche as the result of my parenting style or my subconscious superimposition of the things I have already learned to help him on his journey? Is this more biologically based at even a DNA level passed along whether I intend to or not? I don’t really know.

I debated the value in sharing each of our speeches in this blog but there was a theme in his about how we should look back upon the past that made it clear his was the only one that deserved to be shared. Besides, I could use a book sale or two if you are really curious: W Brent Wooten Weird Wild Stuff available on Amazon.

Once you read his words, the title of the blog will also make more sense to you but before that part of the journey begins, I want to take just a moment and say something here directly to my son for all perpetuity.

Jack-

It seems like just yesterday I met you for the first time. In many ways, the speech you gave today allowed me to be introduced to you all over again. This time I saw a glimpse of the person you carry behind your eyes. It’s not always easy to share that side of ourselves because it means we are exposed and vulnerable. I hope you know that I will always protect and love whatever glimpse you are willing to share with me. We’ve had 18 years together so far and I look forward to seeing what the man behind the podium decides to make of his journey. I’ll do my best to guide you when asked, support you when needed, and remain in the shadows when it is your time to shine or you want to go it alone. I love you more than you will ever know at least up until the point that you have children of your own. You are an amazing young man so go set the world on fire. -With all my love, Dad.

Now his speech………..

Life is truly profound. We all come into this world one way or another having
no idea of how anything works and we walk through the path of life trying to figure it
out and by the time we finally have it all figured out we are almost at the end of it. If
you really put things into perspective it almost seems… meaningless. Now I’m not
here to give anyone an existential crisis, but rather pass on advice. For some
unknown reason life has chosen to put all of us here together in this stadium, and it
has even more strangely chosen to put me in a position where my voice can be
heard, which is a big mistake on life’s part. But while I am here I may as well use our
time together to impart 7 lessons about life that I have learned over the past 18
years. Some may find this inspiring, others will definitely find it boring, but almost
everyone will forget this in a week, but if just one of you takes something away from
this, then it would have all been worth it. Now to those who don’t know me and are
thinking “how could this random 18 year old teach me a single thing about life” well
that brings me to number one.

Knowledge is powerful and can come in handy. It is my belief that one of the
most important things you can ever do is to learn as much as you can about anything
you can. Knowledge can take you far in life, i mean why do you want to pursue a
higher education? To get that shiny degree that says “I know stuff about things” and
after obtaining said degree, use it to make a living out of. Keep an open mind and be
prepared to learn new things, especially those things that challenge your preexisting
beliefs. Knowledge can refine your perspective on life and improve it so seek it out,
even the simple things because you never know when you have to put that
knowledge to use

Two. It’s all luck. You are astronomically lucky that the right genes came
together at the right time to form you, in fact the odds are about 1 in 400 trillion. You
are also incredibly lucky to have been born into a good life in an environment that
supported and encouraged you into graduating high school. Now if you were born
into a bad environment then you have my sympathy but you are still lucky. You’re
lucky that the right genes formed the right brain which when put into a bad situation
was able to find success and make the right decisions that would lead you to
graduating high school. Even being in this stadium is lucky. Think about it, the right
people had to come together at the right place and at the right time in order to make
the right person who would make the right choices that would eventually lead them
to graduate from the right high school to be in this stadium today, and that’s not
addressing the global pandemic. It’s truly crazy but my point is once you realize that
you can’t really blame anyone for the mishaps in their life or praise someone for their
success it humbles you. You don’t choose what cards you are dealt with in life but you do choose how you play them. And if you play them right, you might find that
the odds are in your favor.

Three. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift, that’s why
we call it the present. Yes, that is a Kung fu panda quote but it holds a lot of truth.
The past has already happened and unless time travel is invented it can never be
undone, yet we all find ourselves worrying over something we regret doing. It is in
this position that I encourage you to ground yourself in the present, realizing that
what’s done is done and now you must act accordingly, use the present to learn from
the past and to improve from it. In fact it’s a good thing you look at the past with
regret, that means you have grown as a person. Now this of course works in the
opposite direction as well, worrying over things that haven’t even happened yet, and
to that I say two simple words: It’ll buff. I haven’t got a single clue what the future
holds but if there is one thing I do know is that when it gets here things are going to
be ok. Don’t try to predict the future, instead do everything you can in the present to
prepare for whatever is coming up. After all, if you spend all your time looking
forward, then you will miss the thing that is sitting right next to you.

Four. The world doesn’t owe you anything so don’t act like it does. Remember
what I said before: it’s all luck and because of that there are very little things that are
guaranteed. Simply put: if you don’t work hard for something then you’re probably
not going to get it. Sitting around and doing nothing is not going to make you a hit
movie star just because you believe that you should be. Work for what you want, the
harder you work the more successful you will become. Now sometimes you pour
your heart and soul into something and it just doesn’t go right. Don’t let this
discourage you because remember, it’s all luck and sometimes you’re just unlucky.
But I find that after failure, success is waiting just around the corner.

Five. Be a teacher. Please be a teacher. Teachers are some of the most
admirable and important people in the world. A good teacher inspires passion and
learning and without them we would be doomed. As you go through life you may
find yourself doubting your career choices and if you have no clue what to do I
encourage you to be a teacher, even for a few years, if you don’t know what to do
then be an amazing teacher. Even if you don’t want to be a teacher, then still be a
teacher. I said before that knowledge is power, so if you’ve taken that advice then
you will learn a lot of new things and now you can pass on that knowledge to others.
That is what I am doing now, passing on my perspective of life so that I may teach you
a new way of thinking about it. And if you are anything like me then you may find you
enjoy helping people out.

Six. Respect the things that you have. I say again: it’s all luck. You’re lucky to
have what you have, never take it for granted. I think this year is a perfect example,
who knew that you could miss simply eating at a restaurant so much. Respect what
you own even if it seems simple to you, because you may find that without it life
would be drastically worse. Now I’m not saying to be completely content with
everything in life. If you’re completely content with life then you will never grow,
which I doubt any of you want to stay in high school forever. If you want something
greater in life then of course strive to obtain it, just make sure you work hard. See?
Everything is connected. Just remember that even in your pursuit to achieve
something greater, always keep in mind the thing that you began with.

And finally Seven. Don’t rush. You don’t have to already have a big dream in
life that you are going to spend the rest of your life trying to achieve. Now if you do
that’s fine but you don’t have to already know the exact career you want to pursue
and make a living out of. The future is unpredictable, and it’s going to happen one
way or another. You may find what you want now is not what you want in a year from
now, and that’s ok. Life is going to happen in it’s own time; you just have to be ready
when it gets here. In the meantime, live in the present, work on life now so that
when the time comes you are ready. Keep an open mind and be ready to accept
changes, opportunities appear in life all the time, in fact life is full of them. However,
if you focus too much on one big goal then you might miss the shiny opportunity out
of the corner of your eye. Life is the longest thing you will ever do, and you just have
to take it day by day.

And now we have made it to the end. At the beginning of this whole spiel I
remarked that life is meaningless, yet this one meaningless life contains some of the
most meaningful and remarkable experiences. I offer one final piece of advice and
that’s simply: passion is not purpose but purpose is passion. You may find that you
are exceptionally good at something but make no mistake, that is not the reason you
are here. No, the true reason is to find what you are passionate about and fill your
life with it. My fellow students, we are now at a crucial moment in our lives and it is
now up to you to find your own passions. Go pursue that thing you have always
wanted, learn something new, teach someone else, whatever it is just make sure that
there is passion behind it. You have your whole life ahead of you and it’s going to be
a long journey, just make sure it’s an enjoyable one. Good luck and thank you for
indulging me.